My Demesne

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You would think after 11 years, I would realize that I will never get cast in a featured role in a musical by D&D Swartz... why do I keep trying?

Well, since this is probably my last musical (if not show) there anyway, I will make the most of it... and it is Pippin, after all.

Dear Jesus,

I wanted to write to you and let you know how Your Church here on Earth has been fairing since you Ascended to Heaven. How the seeds of your love of all humanity have blossomed. How the Church cares for and provides for its faithful.

I have two particular individuals that I'd like to remember to you. The first has served you faithfully for over 50 years of priesthood, the last 34 of them tending Your flock faithfully in a small parish in rural America. He Baptized many new members, gave the First Eucharist to hundreds, Confirmed in faith many young people, and joined in Matrimony many couples in the Church. He preached and practiced forgiveness. He was generous in both time and money to his parishioners and friends, sharing in their best and worst of times.

At the age of 77, the Church (in the form of the Bishop) has rewarded him for this service. The Bishop was generous enough to give him three whole weeks notice to relocate from the rectory when enforcing the mandatory retirement age of 75. Three entire weeks to pack up 34 years of history, gifts, memories... such a loving and caring action!

The second individual also served you in Religious life, though she chose to leave to serve another calling, that of Marriage and child rearing. Always faithful, she remained in Your service, doing Your work through directing the Religious Education program for many years and as the Director of Music... a position she actually took as a favor to the pastor when the previous music director resigned. It had to be the longest substitution on record... 21 years!

I thought you'd like to know that the substitution will be ending at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Day, as the new pastor (the one who replaced the priest mentioned above) has decided that, with the merging of the two parishes, the Music Ministry needs to move in a new direction. He is grateful for her many years of service, she no longer needs to play at the Sunday service, only the Saturday service. Also, she will no longer be paid for her services: she should be using her talents as part of her Stewardship to her Church... can you feel the love?

So, Jesus, I just wanted you to know Your example of love and care is alive and well in Your Church today.

Sincerely,
TrigGirl

Randy Pausch passed away today. Our commencement speaker this year planted that name in my head, so I am sharing his Last Lecture here, so I always remember where I can go to watch it and be inspired. (time is 1 hr 17 min)

...First MAMMOGRAM of the rest of your life, and expect them every year from now on. Well, unless, like me, you have to go back in 6 months.

***First of all, I am completely confident that the mammogram would not have hurt too badly for an average woman who had never had surgery anywhere in the chestal region. That being said...***

...mine hurt. Well, only on the left side. And really only the second time I was in the room. (Yes, you read that right, second.}

First I got there, handed in the paperwork, and sat in the waiting room with Twilight, happily reading. I had convinced myself to stay calm... it won't last long, just a little squeeze, right?

Then they take me back, give me The Gown, which I put on (of course, I didn't notice the string INSIDE the robe... I am an idiot and couldn't tie the robe right!!). I continued reading.

Then they came and took me to The Room where The Machine was. It looked pretty harmless... and the technician who was very nice explained what would happen and then we got started.

Each breast had to get scanned twice: once from the front, and once from the side. Okay, 4 times, no problem.

Right front first. I'll spare the details of what happened then, but that one was no problem. Front left was a little painful, but not too bad. The side ones were more uncomfortable than painful (mostly because of the way I had to stand).

And that was it.. I could go sit back down, but I shouldn't get dressed yet, because the doctor might want to take more. Fine. I sit back down and keep reading.

The nice tech came back and, sure enough, he wants two more. OF the left breast. Ugh... okay, back in I go.

During this next scan I experienced probably the most excruciating pain I have ever expoerienced in my life. Thank goodness it only lasted about 30 seconds... even though it felt like eternity. I spared details before but this... she TWISTED my breast and THEN compressed it. The pulling at the scar tissue perched above said breast pulled... A LOT. REALLY REALLY BAD PAIN was all I could think. I stood there for a year while the scan ran... well, subjectively.

Then it was over, and I could relax... but it hurt so much. I tried to be brave, I was breathing the way she told me, as she repeated "You okay?" over and over. Then I sat down and tried this breathing thing again. Better this time. Then the tears came, and I couldn't stop them. She was very soothing... she probably sees this kind of thing quite a bit. I finally calmed down enough to take the second one. THen I went into the bathroom and threw some cool water on my face. NOW it must be over...

The nurse came to take me to the doctor, who was sitting in a dark office with the images of my breasts on his computer screen. He had noticed a small spot, and he figured it was a lymph node... nothing to worry about. But just to be sure, he sent me for an ultrasound.

Back to the waiting room. The ultrasound tech, who was also very nice (though not as friendly as the first one) took me in to another room. I laid down on the bed and she ultrasound-ed my breast. Now, I had had an ultrasound of my abdomen before, so I knew they didn't really hurt. Well... unless they have to push down really hard to take the images. Not 1/10th the pain of before, but enough to start tearing up again.

Now I was done done... she told me I could get dressed and wait to see the doctor. He said the ultrasound didn't show it, so it was probably the lymph node as he suspected. He gave me a sheet for a 6-month follow-up on the left side.

I walked towards the desk in kind of a daze... the doctor even asked if I had questions, since I was walking so slow. I hurried out and made an appointment for 6-months. Then I made my escape to my car, internally chanting "Don't fall apart until you get to the car. Don't fall apart until you get to the car..."

So I got to the car, locked the door, put on my seatbelt, turned the ignition... and began to sob. I called Mr. Ecstatic... but I got his voice mail. I left a practically incoherent message. (Which I followed up with a NORMAL message, saying I had calmed down... but that was later.) And I drove home with tears coursing down my face saying "It's okay... it's over. You're okay, stop panicking now." and similar such sentiments.

So now it is almost 4 pm... the ordeal an hour old. I finally feel... well, almost normal. I am aware of a throbbing of my scar that I haven't felt in several years, which is aggravating... but other than that, I am okay.

Honest... you're okay.
Calm down, it's all over...

Until I have to go back in 6 months...

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Leprechaun Hunter!

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I lost my first student this weekend...

Article in the Utica paper

From Channel 7


One of the nicest kids I ever knew. Never had a bad word to say about someone. Always tried... even when it wasn't subject he didn't understand well.

God bless him and help his family during this time.

RIP Big John... you will be missed.

Edit: Not long after we lost a second student from the same class, Luke Bierl. It is so sad to lose people so young. RIP Luke

Edit: Taken again on 31 March 08:

Q: What's the best way to ring in the new year?
A: Doing the Necronomicon!

Q: What's the worst way to spend New Year's Day?
A: Spending 6+ hours in the hospital emergency room


Happy Two-Zero-Zero-Eight! I started with a muscle spasm in the neck that kept me from moving. But now I have lovely drugs that make me feel better and I took the day off work.

I Am A: True Neutral Human Bard (4th Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-11

Dexterity-13

Constitution-11

Intelligence-15

Wisdom-14

Charisma-11


Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.


Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


Class:
Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Well, it has been 4 weeks since Andy and I broke up, and in that time, I have made several realizations that have helped me to move past the hurt:

-Having been single for over 5 years, I was looking to be with someone. Anyone. Andy was the first person to show me any real interest and affection. It felt good to be wanted again, and I really do care for him.

-I jumped in waaaaaay to far, too fast. We hardly had time to develop a friendship before we were spending almost every day together.

-The age difference really WAS too much, especially when he is still so dependent on his family. And while he still has so much school ahead of him. Even when I didn't consciously look down the road to the future, I was in back of my mind. And he wasn't ready to do that, and rightly so.

-We would make much better friends than boyfriend-girlfriend, and maybe in time we'll get to that stage. I was 100% sure it could never happen, but now I think it can. We do share a lot of interests... hence we could be good friends.

-I need to be cautious in the future about getting involved with someone who is not really over an ex. I know he said he didn't break up with me for Selene, and maybe consciously he didn't, but the fact that they were "dating" again only 3 days after he and I broke up tells me that, unconsciously, she is who he wanted to "be" with. Maybe he was just looking for the right excuse to make himself okay with it... I can't speak for him, only for what I have observed.

Now to check my Eharmony mail *sigh*

When Andy and I started going out, he told me he didn't see himself getting tired of me for a very, very long time.

Apparently "very, very long time" is 3 months.

I remember now why I've been single for 5 years... opening yourself up to someone is major, and when it comes crashing down, it really comes crashing down.

So, yeah, I haven't blogged in... weeks? Because most of that time was spent with Andy. Given that I am a terrible blogger to begin with, haveing someone who I was much more interested in spending time with took precedence. But I thought I'd post an update.

Andy and I have now been together over a month, and I am still giddy with happiness. It is a nice feeling... I could keep going with nauseating details... but I'll spare you (if you want them, you can ask (: )

As for the "irritating illness" part... I have pink eye. Have for a week. And it won;t go away. It started last Tuesday (day after Evil Dead the Musical for the third time) and I went to the doctor Wednesday. He gave me antibiotic drops and said it should start clearing up in a few days... which it didn;t. I called in sick for school Friday. Yes, Friday, the third day of the school year. I know, I know... not like me at ALL. But when you can;t see, it does make driving a bit tough.

So I then called in sick for Monday as well so I could go back to the doctor. (Turns out I didn't need to call in, though, because there was a water main break and the school was closed... bonus!) I called the doctor and he referred me to an eye doctor. So last night I went to the eye doctor, who gave me two new drops that already seem to be working... but blurry vision and irritation caused me to call in sick again. So I have missed 50% of the school year so far... more really, because I left the first day early.

I think it is (FINALLY) clearing up... it is still itchy and burning, but not as severely, and the redness has definitely gone down. I'll probably have to go to school tomorrow and figure out what happened while I was out... ugh (being out as a teacher is more work that dragging your butt in to work with a cold).

To Andy: Your grumpy, mopey, miserable girlfriend is getting back to normal... whatever that is!

Okay, so... I was driving home from shopping and this idea came into my head. Most of the people I know hold music very dear to their hearts. It is with them at all stages of their lives for all different reasons. Maybe it reminds you of a special time or place, maybe it has a rhythm that just makes you want to move and groove... whatever.

And I am sending up a challenge (to myself and you) to narrow it down to the 10 songs that you feel your life would absolutely not be the same without. They don't have to be songs you listen to all the time... they are the ones that when you hear them, things seem better, or a favorite memory replays in your mind... you get the idea.

This probably isn't something anyone can do right away (I know I can't) so take your time, ponder, and start. I'm going to start here with what hits me now and then come back when I find more. As time passes I may change what I have until I think I really have the list I want. I'll put reasons with them too... I just want to, it's up to anyone who takes me up on this if they want to as well.

( Here goes nothing... )

HISTORY:
01. Raised in: Pendleton, NY
02. Planned baby: Yes
03. Birth date: February 7
04. Any siblings: Younger brother
05. Younger or older: Oops... I need to scan ahead...
06. Hair color: naturally dark brown, currently deep honey
07. Hair length: Below the shoulder
09. Eye color: Blue
10. Shoe size: 8 - 9 depending on the shoe
11. Mood: Ecstatic bouncy happiness
12. Smell: How is this a question in the History category?
13. Height: 5'2"
14. Lefty/righty: Righty

THIS OR THAT:
01.Love or money: Love
02. Hard liquor or beer: Liquor
03. One night stands or relationship: Relationship <3
04. Television or internet: Depends on the time
05. Pepsi or coke: Coke
06. Wild night out or romantic night in: Can't I have both??
08. Phone or in person: In person
09. Aim or myspace im? AIM

HAVE YOU EVER:
01. Have you ever been caught sneaking out?: Caught? no
02. Have you ever skinny dipped?: No
03. Have you ever done something you regret?: No major regrets... small ones not worth worrying about
04. Have you ever bungee jumped?: No
05. Have you ever been on a house boat?: I don't think so
06. Have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker?: Yes
08. Have you ever been streaking?: No
09. Have you ever ran away? No
10. Have you ever caught your parents doing it? No... proof in my mind that there is a God lol

ARE YOU:
01. Are you missing someone right now?: Yes indeed
02. Are you talking to anyone? Andy online <3
03. Are you German?: Through adoption
05. Are you French? Not that I'm aware of
06. Are you Russian?: Doubtful
07. Are you Norwegian?: Nope
08. Are you Indian?:This is getting repetative... NO
09. Are you Polish? No, but I'm dating someone who is
10. Are your parents still married?: yes
...What? No "Are you Irish"?? Guess No Irish Need Apply on this survey....

OTHER:
01. Best friend?: TheatreChick
02. What do you do when you're together? We're Irish lasses... so we see movies, talk, dance... oh, and TC, do you ever get tired...?
03. Share the same interests? Lots of them
05. Do you have a low self esteem?: Not usually
06. Do you get depressed about things easily?: Not easily, no... it takes a lot
07. Do you live life to the fullest? Doing my best at that
08. Are you comfortable with the way you look?: For the most part, yes
09. How do you dress?: Comfortably, usually
10. Are you scared of growing up old and alone?: Nope
11. What do you want to be when you grow up?: I don't wanna grow up! And anyway, I'm already doing what I want to do... teaching
12. Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: Usually indoors
13. Favorite season?: Fall
14. Are you a vegetarian?: Nope
15. Current song your listening to?: All Over You - Live



1. Are you Single?
No <3

2. Do you hate your ex?
No, none of them are worthy of hate

3. Why are you single or taken?
I'm taken because I found someone who totally gets me

4. What is one word to describe you?
Playful ;-)

5. How many close friends do you have?
Enough

6. Do you cry a lot?
Not a lot

7. Do you like being by yourself?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no

8. Do you like to read?
Definitely!

9. Do you like to sniff markers?
No

11. Do you like taking pictures?
Yes and no... I'm better at pictures of places than of people

12. Are you pale?
Pasty Irish Girl, that's me! Though I have some color this summer

13. Do you like kids?
Edit ('cause I forgot to answer this one): Yes, except during musicals

16. Do you think you will be married by the time your 18?
I think I kinda missed that boat a LONG time ago!!

17. Who's your best friend?
Haven't I answered this already?

18. Are you weird?
Um... YEAH

19. Do you know how to spell?
As long as I have spell check, yes

20. Do you think you're smart?
Yeah, I do

21. Are you annoyed easily?
Depends on the setting and the person being annoying

22. Are you conceited?
Not so much

23. Do you like to dance?
Yep

24. What do you think is so fun about myspace?
Eh... I can see funny stuff

25. What is your favorite movie?
Too many to name...

26. Do you like taking surveys?
Yes indeed

27. Do you get bored easily?
Not easily, except in summer

28. What kind of tv shows do you like?
Law and Order, Heroes, Battlestar Galactica and the like

29. Would you ever dance naked in the rain?
Doubtful

30. Who are you most anxious to see at your 10 year high school reunion?
Already been there, done that

31. Are you a messy person?
Yeah, you could say that

32. Do you lose things easily?
Not really... but I do misplace them

33. Do you love your family?
Yes

34. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
No

35. Where do you want to live one day?
Not too picky... if we're talking fantasy world though, I'd say Egypt

36. Do you like talking on the phone?
Depends who's on the other end

37. Do you laugh at jokes just to be nice?
No

38. Are you a clean freak?
No

39. Do you like church?
When I can sing

40. Do you drink?
Yes

41. Do you smoke?
No

42. What's your favorite class and why?
Um... teacher? So guess it would be math

43. Do you hate someone?
kinda... but it gets tiring

44. If you do hate someone why?
Because she is who she is... and who she is is not a nice person

45. Do you like to fight or argue?
Argue

46. Have you ever been in love?
Yes

47. Have you ever cried watching a movie?
Frequently

48. Do you lie a lot?
No

49. If you do lie a lot, why?
n/a

50. If you were the opposite sex would you date yourself?
Hmmm... never thought about that... probably

51. Do you sometimes cry for no reason?
Not often

52. Do you sometimes laugh for no reason?
Yes, yes I do

53. Do you like the clothes you wear?
Why else would I wear them?

54. Do you think you were an ugly baby?
No, not really

55. What do you want to be doing right now?
Hanging out with Andy... but I'll have to wait until Wednesday :(

56. Do you like Valentines Day?
Not particularly

57. Do you miss someone?
Yes... and this is another I've already answered. I'm sensing that two quizzes were put together here without paying attention to duplication of inquiry.

58. Are you jealous of someone?
Nope

59. Do you have a favorite place?
Yes, down at Van Buren Bay... beautiful!

60. What famous person would you want to be with if you could?
Viggo Mortensen

9 lasts

1. cigarette: year and years ago
2. beverage: Diet Coke
3. kiss: Sunday
4. hug: Sunday
5. movie seen: Simpsons in the theatre, School of Rock on DVD
6. cd played: R.E.M. collection
7. song listened to: See the FIRST time I answered this question nearer the top
8. bubble bath: not really sure... LONG time ago
9. time you cried: not in a few weeks I don't think

8 have you evers

1. dated one of your best friends: Tried it when I was really young... didn't work
2. skinny dipped: No
3. kissed somebody and regretted: No, no regrets about kisses given
4. fallen in love: Yes
5. lost someone you loved: Family members
6. been depressed: Yes
7. been drunk and threw up: Unfortunately yes
8. ran away: No
7 states you've been to: the entire East coast, plus Ohio, Michigan, Colorado... that is probably all

6 things you've done today
1. Woke up
2. taught summer school
3. redid my roots for the wedding this weekend
5. ate lunch
6. IMed with Andy


5 favorite things in no order

1. music
2. theatre
3.reading
4. hanging out with people I care about
5. sleep


4 people you last talked to

1. Andy
2. TheatreChick
3. parents
4. brother and sister-in-law


3 wishes

1. Summer school to end
2. get the Disney trip settled
3. for Wednesday to get here faster

2 things you want to be when you grow up

1. NO
2. WANNA
:-)

1 thing you regret

1. No regrets... only lessons for the future

Okay, so I saw ED for the second time on Tuesday with Bronke, Zak and Duff. IT ROCKED. AGAIN. HARD CORE.

The opening number, Cabin In The Woods, was hysterical... especially the rabbit lol! And the height differential between Scott and Shelly... big time amusing! Housewares Employee was much better than the first time (I really saw improvement in the actress playing Linda from last time, Phanboy... she really picked up). I love when Cheryl sings It Won't Let Us Leave... I love her voice and the anguish she puts in it. What The F*@K Was That was superb!!!!! When they are locked in the embrace and look into each other's eyes... and realize what they're doing! Classic!! Ash's fight with his hand was even better to watch this time... he really throws himself into it. Annie was totally on for All The Men In My Life... that number kicked serious deadite arse. And Do The Necronomicon? OH MY FREAKING GOD, THAT ROCKED!

So... there's splatter zone still available for performances in August... who's interested?????

Deadites always like to get their freak on
And when they get together they do the Necronomicon